Tuesday, November 08, 2005

hole in the sole

“You only have one body, abuse it.
You only have one mind, use it.
And if you have a plot….lose it!”
Jeggsy Dodd.

Okay, enough of the crap-olla form me about getting to work; more important grievances are literally a foot. Yesterday, to my horror, I realised that I have left my minging work shoes in the rent-a-van I used to get to Preston last Friday. I have since been wearing a pair of brown suede puma trainers; as they are the closest thing I have to office friendly footwear. Alas, it is chucking it down and these trainers, whilst office friendly, have a hole in the sole and indeed they are letting in water. I also have the shameless duty of going to retrieve these shoes from Arnold Clarke Van Rental. This wouldn’t be too embarrassing under normal circumstances, but these shoes are in a bad way, and questions will no doubt be raised behind my back by the workers at this depot as to why I would bother coming back to retrieve them. Answer: I’m skint and despite their shabby appearance; I genuinely like those shoes. I’ve had them two years and they only cost me £15! They deserve a better send off than that.

Everything aside from this little matter is fine and dandy, with the exception of Spurs being robbed of a perfectly valid goal last night. I was however, equally amused and perturbed to learn that the Ian Beale of the music world – Mike Love, is suing his cousin and former band mate Brian Wilson for the erroneous use of the beach boys’ songs (cha?). Having over recent years accrued many books on Brain Wilson and the Beach Boys, I have found little to suggest that Mike Love is a decent human being. Without wanting to go into too much detail and risk legal action against myself from the ginger bearded one; but three simple facts ought to make you realise what a tool he is.
Firstly, he continues to tour using the name ‘The Beach Boys’ when in fact just he and Bruce Johnson- who was drafted in to fill in for Wilson whist he recorded and wrote Pet Sounds are the only ‘original’ members left/ Secondly, he is a Republican who with the mis-guided new Beach Boys performed at George. W. Bush’s inauguration. Thirdly, he had very little to do with the Beach Boys’ sound on their latter, and better albums hence why Brian Wilson worked with Tony Asher and Van Dyke Parkes to help write lyrics. Jealous Mike? Funny that no one has ever called him a genius?

Brain- perhaps you should cover Lou Barlow’s ode to hating ex-band members “The Freed Pig” –wouldn’t it be nice?

Anyway, those helpful chaps at Bitchfork…sorry Pitchfork are the ones who have reported this story:

“God only knows why the uber-rich doth tiff like this, but Beach Boy Mike Love is suing his cousin, living pop legend and erstwhile Beach Boy Brian Wilson, alleging Wilson violated Love's sole ownership of the Beach Boys moniker in promoting last year's lost magnum opus SMiLE. Wouldn't it be nice if these chaps could just revel in their millions and get along?
According to the Associated Press, Love is perturbed that Wilson "shamelessly misappropriated Mike Love's songs, likeness and the Beach Boys trademark, as well as the 'Smile' album itself". Ostensibly. In reality he's likely a green-eyed mongrel lusting after a cut of the SMiLE profitz, considering that record debuted in the Billboard top twenty and achieved monumental critical acclaim (including a whopping 9.0 from that Pitchfork e-rag). Meanwhile, "Kokomo" continues to mercilessly accost innocent elevator patrons worldwide.
The Daily Mail in which 2.6 million copies of a Beach Boys compilation CD were given away. Ergo, Love's lawsuit seeks damages for "millions of dollars in illicit profits" plus one million dollars to put toward international advertising. Love has previously sued Wilson over songwriting credits. Quoth that hyper-prolific and ace-witted reporter known only as AP, "Love's lawyer hopes the lawsuit won't mar [his & Wilson's] good vibrations." At which we chuckle, heartily.
We'll leave it to you, fair reader, to determine the heroes and villains in this debacle.
Love's legal waylaying seems particularly dubious in light of Brian Wilson's recent money-laundering schemes, which have included making personal phone calls to folks who donated $100 or more to Hurricane Katrina relief and releasing a benefit single, ultimately raising some $210,000 for hurricane victims. Wilson's Scrooge-like avarice culminated last month when he issued What I Really Want For Christmas, a collection of new Wilsonian renditions of thirteen holiday classics plus two originals: the title track and "Christmasy". Nothing says Christmasy like treating your kin to some yuletide litigation.”

1 comment:

Mrs. Tarquin Biscuitbarrel said...

Thanks for your spot-on dissection of the Lovester. I'm collecting as much info as I can find about him, and who knows what I'll do with it. But if I ever get as far as I'd like to, I'll ask permission to quote you.

Love & mercy (you can tell I'm a Brian gal), Mrs. B