Bastard ball of Blue Tack

Ahhh, after days of packing boxes we've finally moved out of the ole office today, and only one thing is in the forefront of my thoughts is....why cant some invent a Sellotape or parcel tape that tastes nice?

Aside from the taste cutting generic sticking tape with your teeth is one of the few primitive urges used today (expect the obvious ones; to kill, to shag, to kill and shag…oh and eat). Granted I know people whom open chocolate wrappers using their teeth, but I find this method rather crass. I think it all stems from when ancient man would sit around the fire and try to put up their caveman cave painting posters to liven up their cave type abodes, and having not invented the scissors there only means of cutting the tapes was to use their teeth. Of course this was years before the invention of Blue tack.

By the way, the office walls, now bare and empty, are littered with small Blue Tack marks, scraps and stains. If I had the time I would collect the scraps and make a moderately sized ball of scrap blue tack, firmly bonding and mixing the different brands, types, colours etc. Alas, I don't have the time or the inclination to do so.

As a child I was the purveyor of many a bastard ball of blue tack. In our household Bluetack was a priceless commodity, and used as a currency between us children, akin to Tobacco in Prison or Cheese in Student Accommodation. Over the years -notably the great 'tack' drought of 89', I used staples, homemade glue (flour and water) and even rolled up Sellotape to keep my beloved posters in their rightful place. Of course all these methods were strictly prohibited in our household, but the knowledge I gained from using said contraband materials proved invaluable. E.g when I ran out of drawing pins I stapled all my notices to my notice board in the office. Sadly, I have spent the past 40 or so minutes removing this staples.

Not one notice/picture/scrap of paper ever fell from that board- not one! This feat was often marveled upon by my colleagues, who in fits of jealously would often take to sabotaging my famed noticed board- though they rarely succeeded. Anyhow- a new office awaits, tomorrow I am “working from home” i.e. watching Seinfeld for hours on end. Bliss.