golden shower of kudos

As per post on 26th January, the buggering Council thought Police have heightened their internet filters and security, which under normal circumstances would make my life intolerable; however I have been enjoying the relative satisfaction of busting my hump and proving my worth at work. Naturally, I expect this new found zeal for corporate servitude to disappear shortly, but for the meantime I’m revelling in my newly discovered self–a lean, mean Excel Spreadsheet producing machine.

Alas, the reason for my increased office stimulation has little to do with the fact that I can’t access ANY decent websites with the exception of the BBC and Wikipedia, and more to do with the D-Day for the culmination of four years work in our department and the serving of some 500 legal notifications across the country. I had very little to do with this, but my closely honed skills of quick efficient spreadsheet (complete with decorative colour schemes- my art degree NOT going to waste thank you!) compiling and the set up of a monolithic mail merge.

As the suckers in my office are not exactly IT savvy, they have all bowed their heads in wonderment and befuddlement at my ability to produce a list of names and addresses on a spreadsheet, moreover they have all been over zealously convincing me that I shouldn’t be so modest when they scratch their heads at words like ‘filters’ and ‘mail merge’. I was at one point nervous that they may consider this work to be witch craft and proceed to lock me in the smaller of our two stationary cupboards, only occasionally prodding me with rulers until they could fathom a way of destroying me or perhaps imprisoning me in one of them’s odd flat prisons a la Superman II.

Of course this work was literally a piece of piss to do and despite protests from me that any dolt could perform these tasks; it has certainly been a while since I’ve basked in a golden shower of kudos from the upper echelons of our department. The only conceited member of the office staff not happy or wowed with my work was of course my nearest rival in the office, the fax machine, who has now had his keys to management toilet taken away from him, and I believe has started his own blog regaling his disenchantment with its station in the office pecking order.

I have also enjoyed two days of serving these notices by hand to businesses and residents alike. Of course any excuse to flee the confines of our office is always appreciated, but I especially enjoyed strolling into offices, legal documents in hand chatting to a variety of very attractive receptionists. This proved to be a most enjoyable and unexpected perk. If I was the wearer of a rimmed hat in the vein of a trilby, bowler or porkpie, I would tilt in a jocular manner to signify contentment. I don’t, so upon my return to the office I enjoyed putting my feet up on my desk, leaning back and eating a packet of crisps rather noisily.

I had also, for the first time in an age, stayed at work until after 5pm! Ye Gads!!!
This meant I had to board a much later train filled with new faces. One such train was inexplicably filled with a plethora of strangely beautiful office attired hotties, rather than the usual familiar surroundings of dour and sour faced losers. Perhaps only the disenchanted office plebs catch my usual train home, which would of course explain why there is usually a lack of any joy in the eyes of my fellow commuters. The vocationally satisfied obviously burn the midnight oil (I will not be posting any Midnight Oil tracks okay!?) preferring to stay later at work and perhaps this satisfaction and diligence increases their beauty? Of course my better half would come under that bracket, only she stays at work because it appears the shit hits the proverbial fan on a daily basis, but she is beauty no less.