Monday, June 05, 2006

Date with Ikea-not Ali Bastian (alas)

As if sunny weekends couldn't be any worse, Lisa and I plummeted to the pits of weekend petit-bourgeois blandness and ventured down the road to hell, (or is that Hull?), and paid a visit to Ikea on Sunday.
The plan had been to visit the place on Saturday, as Lisa's clothing piles around the flat have reached an all time dangerous high., with the several hundred chest of drawers and an obscenely chokka’ wardrobe fit to burst, Lisa quite reasonably decided that we (her) needed to acquire some more bedroom furniture. Alas, I was as disinterested in this as you'd imagine, and for some reason I thought she knew the make, model etc of the ones she wanted as not so long ago I recall her talking about it. I hang my head in shame that I lived up to the 'useless male domestic partner' I am rapidly becoming and paid no attention. I just nodded and pretended to look interested whilst watching the World's Wildest Police Videos or something equally as amusing.
I appreciate this isn't the most sensitive way of sharing household responsibilities, however I guess it is a pre-determined inevitability that I become the Jim Royle-esq man about the house, or flat; if you will. Anyway, on the Saturday morning as I awoke from a most tranquil and restful slumber, I lay on my back thinking that on a sunny day such as this, nothing would be finer than staying in the flat and watching the TV-especially as there was the last England football match before the forthcoming world cup. Once more I was in the dog house as I had neglected to remember that I had inexplicably agreed to Ikea for a mission to purchase a decent sized wardrobe.
After it became apparent to my beloved that I hadn't actually listened to her previous lecture on the 'wardrobe dilemma', harsh words were spoken. Granted, it didn’t exactly take a shrewd mind to deduce this as she caustically remarked “what did you think I’d done all the work and we’d be in and out in 30 minutes?” My look of surprise/guilt and optimism said it all. After 20 minutes of my clearly and painful over zealous wardrobe enthusiasm, ie. “lets just go and get one now and we can make it back intime for the kick off” Lisa decided to postpone the visit until Sunday as my interest was clearly too little- too late. She trudged off in to the front room to make a start on the mountain of work she 's currently embroiled in, slamming a series of doors on her way.
Perhaps it was guilt, or more likely fear, i decided to tidy the mounds of receipts/clothes/plethora of pieces of paper with my drawings on that seem to follow me wherever I go. I then set about giving the kitchen a thorough clean whilst listening to mix tape CD of Buck 65 I purchased at his latest Liverpool show until the 2pm kick off..
The rest of the day was spent in front of the TV despite the lovely weather. After the England game (Lisa watched the second half) I suggested, for kicks, that we place a small wager on the Derby, which at the time of suggestion was due to start in 10 minutes. Lisa agreed, and we darted out of the flat and headed to the local Turf Accountant and hastily placed a £1 each way bet. Granted, this isn't a big bet, but due to bills and recent vehicle taxation, I've been left with £4 in my account until the 15th.
We then rushed to the local Lark lane paper shop and I got to use the 'Stroganoff' code word for the first time (see old entry regarding its origins). Yes, the purveyor of a million early morning errections for students up and down the country- Becky (Ally Bastian)from Hollyoaks as chatting to a friend (or maybe acquaintance-I'm not sure and don't wish to cast aspersions) wearing a vest top and extremely short denim mini skirt. I got dangerously close to her, whilst waiting for Lisa to return from the shop. I sure as hell wish I had my mirrored sunglasses on though.

Anyway, to keep it brief: quelle suprise Lisa's horse won...again. This put the whole Ikea problem into context, and the cold bottles of Grolsh we were supping, easily made me forget about the wardrobe. The day then flew past, except in a bit to appease Lisa and her wish to venture outside, I agreed to play Bullseye, a board game based on the 19780's cult quiz show, with her. This game was of a poor quality, and the several bottles of booze we had consumed made the learning of the rules remarkably difficult and stressful.

Sunday morning- the first thing through my mind was - "crap, Ikea!!!!"
I really wished that we'd have gone on the Saturday now. I tried persuading Lisa that we go after work this week, but gave up quickly when the look of thunder flashed across her face.

Ikea is a boring place at best, but I do prefer it than Asda, so despite what you're thinking I wasn't too discontent/grumpy. I was helpful and insightful in the decision process surprisingly.
This sunny disposition soon changed as after spending an hour in the wardrobe section and finally settling on the one we wanted only to find there wasn't any left in their warehouse. After asking the *Cough *Cough* lovely Customer Service folks, who told me that a new shipment would arrive on Monday. I was even more shocked to learn that you can't order stock over the phone/internet, which of course means that I've got to drive there again this week.
Lesson learned. Don't do today what you could easily put off until tomorrow...nuff said.

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