Monday, April 02, 2007

Ha! Just because I’m sort-of-pious doesn’t mean I still can’t be a twat.

By my calculations I have uttered the sacred words of "I've got to get a better job than this" at least 11 times throughout the day thus far. This is not by any means a personal record, but higher than the average day.
With my head still clouded and dilapidated with this cursed man flu, my patience is wafer thin at present.

Firstly I had to endure a certain colleagues fussing over printer difficulties and the incessant mispronunciation of the word 'gobble-de-gook' preferring to refer to it as 'gobble-de-guck'. This, I was surprised to discover, is actually more irritating than hearing her mispronounce the word data - infuriatingly calling it daar-taar, which I think must be a way of trying to sound posher perhaps than she is? Perhaps it's naivety on her part? Either way, it cuts right through me.
I'm not especially fond of folk giving me a running commentary of what they are doing- especially when I have neither care nor interest in a banal subject such as printer gobble-de-gook.

To further rile me was an e-mail I received from our Director stating that during a three-month period last year I exceeded my job's capabilities. Huzzzar I thunked; I'm getting moved up a pay scale.

Alas sweet justice waa not to be mine; as instead of being moved up I am to get a 50% of the difference between the two pay scales for the months he judged that exceed my job description.
In lay terms I’m getting £200 after tax for all the work I did. Now you may think that perhaps I have gone soft and since I have been employed by local Government I have become a money grabbing greed head. Perhaps you are right, but my point is that I have been exceeding my job description now for over two years quite significantly and whilst being grateful that at least some of this effort has been recognised, I feel a tad insulted with the offer. I think I would have preferred if he hadn't said anything that way I could at least concentrate on being bitter rather than bitter, insulted and greedy.

I think my boss was expecting some form of display of gratitude from me, but he's going to have to wait a long time for it. Ha! Just because I’m sort-of-pious doesn’t mean I still can’t be a twat.

Also, despite my best efforts to conceal some rare talents I possess, I have sadly discovered that my powers to heal electronic hardware have become more evident to my fellow team members.

Having been off on annual leave last Friday, both the office's printers were out of action and judging from the number of e-mails I received on the matter upon my return to work today, no one was prepared to have a poke at trying to fathom the problem.

Indeed; the machines lay dormany. A state of panic could be felt across the office.

I crouched down close to the larger of the two printers- the Toshiba 3411 and carefully, I turned the power off for several seconds.

I talked to said printers in my calmest voice.

I reiterated to them inhush tones that there was beauty in the world.

I reminded 'her' of better times, of times when the toner was full and plentyfull - days before the great Tip-Ex spillage of Feb 2005.

I soothed the beast and hugged it warmly.

I walked slowly backwards to my desk and attempted to print off an e-mail. I don't recall the e-mail's content.
I didn't have to wait long before the sound of fully rejuvinated machinary could be heard by the department's expectant ears and a sea of hot white paper was spewn forth from the beast's belly.

Once more I was a hero.
...I am a printer/copier whisperer.

Would this constitute a pay rise?

No comments: