Monday, July 09, 2007

It’s my house and I can be a twat of I want to

So the weekend came and went. It was devoid of anything interesting, Lisa’s friends arrived and it was nice. I left them alone for most of their stay and sat in watching the truly terrible Live Earth gig on the telly, occasionally switching over to watch Escape To Victory on ITV2.

The ‘great lie’ was pointless and I didn’t have the heart to execute it- informing them that my leg has improved drastically in the last week. They arrived at 2.45 ish and sitting down with a cup of tea, we scratched the surface of what our lives had entailed for the past few years. I tried to pretend to be interested in the blandness of some of their anecdotes, and I was mightily relieved when they trotted out to the pub at 4pm.

I watched most of the concert and with few exceptions all the bands were tosh. I was looking forward to The Foo Fighters but Lisa and Co rolled into the flat as they took to the stage and I had to answer three drunken girls who’d ruined my uptopia as to who was performing.

“It’s the Foo Fighters”
“Who?”
“The Foo Fighters!”
“Who is it Michelle?”
“The Red Hot Chilli Peppers”
“No it’s The Foo Fighters”
“I didn’t know they looked like that?”
“U-huh”
“God they’re really rocky aren’t they?”
“Yeah”
“You don’t think of The Foo Fighters as a ‘rock’ band do you?”


A just looked slacked jawed and made a mental note of the conversation for this ‘ere blog.

Lisa tried to motivate them to hurry up in order for them to hit the town. But it was clear they were half cut already. Both of her friends decided to ask me what accessories they should wear with their respective outfits and emptied the contents of their over sized bags on our sofa. After talking throughout the performance Dave Grohl started up The Best Of You and despite being mid conversation Michelle screamed at me:

“TURN IT UP, I FUCKING LOVE THIS SONG- IT REMINDS ME OF PERTH!!!”

I rolled my eyes and turned it up- though the TV was pretty loud already to account for their loud shrill voices.

“C’mon turn it up Matt!”
“I have”
“Louder!!!FUCK!!! I Love this song!!”
“It’s loud enough””C’mon you boring bastard, turn it up”
I turned it up a notch.
“FUCK-louder!!! I love this song.”

I gave her the remote and got up to leave the room. I didn’t have many options of where to go as they’d decamped into the spare room and Lisa was getting changed in our bedroom. I found refuse in my fortress of solitude; our ‘little’ toilet and read a Select Magazine from 1994 whilst The Foo Fighter rocked it at Wembley. I could hear it clearly as it was blaring out from our TV.

I heard Lisa round them up as they were going to hit the town and the sound of high heeled shoes stomping on our poor quality laminate flooring ensued as they all relocated in our bedroom.

I got back into my chair and turned the volume down to a normal level, but the band were leaving the stage.

“Great.”

I’d already agreed to tape Madonna’s performance for Lisa so didn’t see the need to watch it and turned over to watch Pele’s overhead kick Sly Stallone save that penalty.
Her friends drifted back in to the room.
“Is Madonna on yet?”
“Yeah- I’m taping it for Lisa”
“Can I just see her for a bit please?”

I flicked over to see Madge with a Gibson Les Paul and the Gogol Bordellos. I let out a sad and frustrated sigh and turned back.

“Oh please can we just watch this song?”

Escape to Victory had finished so I reluctantly agreed.

“Do you like Madonna Matt?”
“I don’t hate her, but she is a Dick Head”
“Why’s she a dick head?”
“You know…just look at her”
“NO really why? I thought everyone liked Madonna”
“Aw c’mon? Really? You’ve been living in London too long.”
“Seriously – you think she’s a dick head? Why? I don’t understand? You’re the first person I’ve met, besides my dad , who doesn’t like Madonna”
“Why? Erm…I don’t know, but she is the personification of the term dick head isn’t she?”
“I really admire her…doesn’t she look good for her age?”
“I guess so. But that shouldn’t be a reason for admiring her though”
“Why not?”
“Because if that was a justifiable basis for admiration , then you’d have to admire Cliff Richard too.”
“Well…”
Hah! I’d got her with my legal reasoning’s.

“She’s still an amazing musician and dancer though”
“Oh- unquestionably!” I answered with the sarcasm dial turned up to 11 and watched here ponce around stage like the dock head she really is.

I watched her performance and laughed loudly like a Bond Villan throughout.

I could tell this wasn’t being appreciated but didn’t care, after all it’s my house and I can be a twat of I want to. It’s a good job Bono didn’t turn up.

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