Thursday, July 26, 2007

Ape Shit

I’m feeling shitty.

I’ll be back at work this time next week and I’m actually starting to look forward to it, which does not bode well for my current state of mind. What once was a pleasurable, utopian experience is turning into a nightmare the better my leg gets.

I woke up in a foul mood this morning too which hasn’t helped. Since returning from hospital I’ve been making myself get up with Lisa at 7.45ish, but this morning I decided that I would allow myself to have a lie in as for the third or forth night in a row I didn’t get much sleep. Much to my dismay some chump working for Virgin media rang our door bell at 8.10 am.

“That’ll be the cable guy” I said sleepily to Lisa.
“Well I’m getting ready” Was her matter of fact reply.

I looked around to find a T Shirt then opened the bedroom window and shouted down to see who it was and as I did this Lisa screamed at me and followed it up with a slew of abuse. Alas due to my sleep deprivation I’d inadvertently opened the curtains whilst she was stood naked in the room. I shouted down that I would come down and let him in and struggled to find some clothes in the bedroom whilst Lisa continued to lambaste me for my carelessness. This incident was exacerbated by the fact that I have berated her for years for opening the bedroom curtains whilst I have no shirt on, or I’m in my pants. Call me a prude but I don’t really want my neighbours to see me like that.

“You’d have gone ape shit if I’d have done that!” She seethed.
“You did go ape shit…” was my stupid response.
“Oh this isn’t ape shit! This isn’t even close to ape shit!” She growled.

She was right, this wasn’t her ‘ape shit’ mode, however, this irate state that she was currently in the midst of, was on a par with my ape shit mood. Her ape shit mode is off the scale. It’s a sight to behold, it really is. My ‘ape shit’ is quite modest in comparison.

I tried to explain this whilst putting my jeans on. This wasn’t a clever idea on my part and her mood increased from ‘irate’ to ‘very irate’. I hobbled down the stairs to let this chump in and could hear Lisa still bollocking me when I got to the front door.

The guy was an idiot and the whole visit proved to be a total waste of everybody’s time. Because of my little altercation with my beloved and the fact that he turned up at ten past fucking eight in the fucking morning, I was understandably extremely curt with him.

Since he left and Lisa left for work I’ve spent the majority of the morning trying to stomp about the flat, but my knee isn’t strong enough to enable me to successfully pull it off. To make matters worse, Lisa will of course be plotting her revenge- which means I’ll never be able to be changed in the bedroom for fear of her opening the curtains. After all she is as childish and vengeful as I am (well maybe not AS childish-but close.) which is why we’re such a perfect match.

Radiohead- Go to Sleep. (Little Man Being Erased.)

Nirvana- Very Ape

(Smog)- Live as If Someone Is Always Watching You

Madness- My Girl

Billy Bragg- Sulk

The Wedding Present- Anyone Can Make a Mistake

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