Thursday, October 26, 2006

I was a 'floater'

So further to my reasoning that in a previous life I must have been Jewish-I've encountered a fatal flaw in this theory- Jews don't believe in re-incarnation (well as far as I'm aware). This is going to make it a tad difficult to fully embrace my newly discovered faith. It also raises many unanswerable questions on the teachings of my Catholic upbringing, as like the Jews – we don't believe in re-incarnation either.

Thusly, had I been re-incarnated then perhaps there's more to the Buddhism lark than just shaving you head and being a pacifist. Perhaps I should investigate this way of life a little further? Perhaps, rather than being a Jew in a former life, I was in fact adopted? Or perhaps there's a little Jewish blood in the family? David Cross did that whole "once a Jew, always a Jew" stand up routine- perhaps this is the case. Alas, the fundamental flaw in this theological theory is that despite the Jewish mannerisms, the whole 'gingerness' and Celtic look I was born with lead me to believe that perhaps the same could be said for Catholicism? "once a Catholic, always a Catholic?" The mere fact that I feel pangs of guilt writing in a jocular manner on the subject, leads me to believe that this must be true.

Perhaps a 'super religion' must be considered?

It's all a far cry from my day's at Harrogate Rossett High School, where after being educated in a severe Catholic way (is there any other way?) during my Primary School days, I crossed the threshold like a young Mo Johnston, and decided to join the aforementioned heathen educational establishment. Surprisingly, because only two of us went from this Primary School, we were constantly asked questions along the lines of :

"Are you a Bible basher?"


"but you're a Christian"

"Yeah- I'm a catholic actually"

"then you ARE a Bible basher"


"because you're a Christian"

"You're Christian too you know"

"F*** off! I'm C of E"

And that was the R.E teacher! Thank God (literally) that I hadn't discovered my Jewish roots then! Oye!

Anyhow, aside from my Jewishness queries, the reason for this faith led blog is not to offend anyone , rather to explain that I completed a job application form the other day in an admin role for a school in Southport. Ace! Better money and it's only term time! Huzzzah I thought- I could do the the xtra time to work on my SC3 project (more on this in the future) Anyway, I only spotted the advert an hour before the deadline- so I completed it at break neck speed. I thought it best to give the school a phone call to see if it would be okay fro me to send it by e-mail. I had a short chat, and used my extra special refined telephone voice, that never fails to impress. They said it would be fine.

I double-double-double (okay treble) checked the application so that my usual grammatical and spelling errors were non evident, and e-mailed it over.

Half and hour passed, and I received an e-mail stating:

Thank you for your application which I will print off for the headteacher's

attention. However, you have completed the wrong application. As a

Catholic school we must use the Catholic Education Service application form

which I attach for your information.

Please do not go to the trouble of re-doing your application. If you were

to be successful in your application we would ask you to complete the

correct form for our records.

I checked the intranet where I spotted the application and there was no such 'Catholic Application Form' there. They were kind enough to enclose a Catholic Application form, which I checked and it was EXACTLY the same, with the exception of some religious motif letter head.

This was nearly two weeks ago, and I now feel that they have tossed my application away due to my un Catholic ness. They probably saw that the school I went to was not R.C. and noted that I hadn't used my confirmation name. They then no doubt assumed from my phone call that due to my Jewish sounding voice that I was 'floater'- you know those poor kids who were brought up by parents of different faiths, and in order to stop any controversy was brought up a bit of both in order to avoid any conflict. So I have been shunned by my own kind- persecuted for not being Catholic (despite actually being catholic) – My God I've never felt so Jewish!

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