Lunch...so predictable yet so precious.

Yet another day slowly grinds it’s way to lunch time in the ole office. Thank God.
I can stop pretending to be working hard and actually relax for a short period of time, until my allotted 1-hour ceases and I am forced once more to provide administrative support for my team/department. Lunch time is the most regimented part of the daily hum-drum here. With the odd exception pay day- away days or Bob’s 60th it has been exactly the same since that cursed day I commenced working here in this God forsaken place.


11.10 am Dave gets up and writes on the White Board that he is to inspect one of the two estates- then have his lunch then visit the other estate. His estimated time of return will be 2pm

11.20 am Karen will disappear without telling anyone where she is going. The only clue as to her where about is her Mayfair fags and her trusty mobile phone.

11.55 am. Lee will watch the security footage by the rear entrance watching the clock until he can officially clock off and make haste with his mealtime.

12.15 pm. Bob will ask Tony and Sean if they’re “walking down” (this is in reference to their daily constitutional to the sandwich purveyors Tamarillos.) and then proceed to ask the team if they want anything from the shop. Tom is usually asked by Bob “You’re usual?” On the occasions that Tom isn’t there they get him a sandwich anyway. Tony will either say yes or inform them he’s going to “the Tuna Shop” (the nearest sandwich shop of lesser quality) Tony will ask me if I want anything from the Tuna Shop. I’ll say no and Tony will reply (like clockwork) “Are you on the Loop-de-Loop?” (soup) With a heavy heart I say yes and then get depressed at the thought of another can of soup.

12.20pm. Sean will be engaged in a highly-strung conversation with a solicitor or agent of some sort whilst Bob waits impatiently. Next to him complaining bitterly to the rest of the team.

12.30pm. Bob prods Sean and tells him to “get an ‘effing move on.”

12.35pm. Sean puts down the phone and asks the office if they want anything from the shop. Only to be told by Bob: “I’ve already done that-come on I’ve clocked out” and they leave.

12.36pm The office in nice and quiet.

12.40pm. I clock off and start the process of heating my dour tasting tinned soup in office’s microwave.

12.45pm. Gerry offers the team a cup of tea, to which I decline due to my soup. At this stage there is usually only three of us in the office.

12.47pm. Karen re-appears and then informs the team she’s going out to lunch- neglecting as ever to clock out.

12.50pm. Bored of the slow progressing Internet I browse Sefton and Liverpool Council’s job vacancies to very little success so decide to listen to some music on the internet. Sue (Alan’s PA) arrives and although I’m clearly eating my lunch and wearing headphones to prove that I’m not on duty, she stands next to me and talks about some boring and churlish issue- usually regarding the re-ordering of stationery. After about tens minutes she says “anyway- I’ll let you eat your lunch and I’ll e-mail you later”


1pm Lee clocks off and on route back to his desk he informs the three or four remaining staff members of some Sporting news that he’s read from the BBC website. Gerry will come around from the other side of the office and we all discuss.


1.15pm The sound of Bob swearing at Sean and being buzzed in through the Office reception- followed by an exasperated Sean whom immediately slumps in his chair shaking his head.

1.20pm Sean informs the team of some sporting news to which he’s just read from the BBC website I usually tell him that Lee has already told us in the most annoyed manner (jokingly of course). We as a team discuss this matter in depth and the allotted 15 minutes of banter ensues.

1.25 I clock off my lunch wishing to bank a few minutes the go to the toilet (there’s no point going to the loo on my own time is there?)

1.27pm A cup of tea is usually requested from some corner and begrudgingly someone will say “I’ll make the bloomin’ tea” at which point we all smile and hand over our cups.

1.40pm Tom wanders over to Sean/Bob and ask as to whom he owes the money for his sandwich. Despite ordering the same sandwich every day for the past year and a half he asks how much it was.

2pm Lunch over

2.15pm Karen strolls in and usually goes straight to the White board and writes that she’s going to a meeting and won’t be returning until tomorrow.

2.16pm The team debates the validity of Karen’s meeting.

2.20pm Sean’s momentary ‘lunch time good mood’ fades when I inform him of the countless messages I took whilst he was away from the office.

Lunch...so predictable yet so precious.


Anyway- Some perfect lunchtime office anthems:


float on -modest mouse

Woodcat - Tunng

Is This Love- Clap Your hands Say Yeah

Dim Bendith – The Super Furry Animals