Wednesday, January 25, 2006

I am a dead whale too.

Okay so I’m still smarting that I only received 102 emails. I know I shouldn’t be as there’s more pressing issues that require my concern, but it just re-enforces my lowly status which, although I don’t wish to run the corporate treadmill, still makes me despondent and depressed. I did, however find something lurking in the bowels of my drawers (office furniture not my pants) which can give me a temporary reprise of the blues. Yes, today I shouted Huzzzar without irony for the first time in my life upon my discovery that I had a new 2006 calendar to use. Not just any calendar, but an insightful daily calendar which not only provides the reader with historical information but also makes one reflect inwards with its distinctive thought/advice for the day. Example- today in 1554- The city of Sao Paulo was formed, and the thought: “A grandmother is a babysitter who watches the kids instead of the television”.

Great. So everyday I can have a small memento of fascination to accompany my decent to the abyss.

I do remember ordering it in May, and it promptly arrived in June and with its vast quantity of pearls of wisdom lay dormant in amongst my spare envelopes and uncompleted job application forms. Granted I may have a job with absolutely no power or interest but at least I got them to spend £4.00 on it he he.

Since my return to the working environment, I have already slipped back into old ways. Firstly, I’m back on the tea in a bad way. I know this may not seem like a terrible thing, but when you’re drinking 11 cups of tea just whilst you’re at work, then you need to rely on your friends and colleagues to form an intervention (step away from the kettle Matt) . As I’m the only member of the team who is office bound permanently, I’m always happy to accept a brew if offered, unfortunately this entails being offered more that one an hour and for the most part I duly oblige and accept happily. Whilst away from work, I was starting to develop a taste for Green Tea as a healthier substitute and would only have two, maybe three in the whole day and I certainly felt more like a human being.
I’ve also started to consume sandwiches from the near by outlet after promising myself a healthier diet which I had strictly adhered to until yesterday. I’ve also driven to work for the last two days, and it’s incredibly lonely. It is so hard to mentally undress other commuters whilst you’re driving, where as the train (which as I am fully aware is far from the perfect mode of transport) I was adept at the subtle, seedy glace and using my mental photoshop to cut and paste members of the fairer sex’s clothing on and off accordingly. Also it’s very hard to listen in on other peoples’ conversations whilst they are in a different car, and making up what I think they’re talking about just isn’t that much fun.

So I'm getting fatter, lazier, and giving up the will to live. I'm more precious than that bleedin' whale though, c'mon someone haul me back to freedom on a barge.
Have Primary School children draw me pictures and write me poems.
Have krusty old celebs speak out on my behalf.
Feed me raw fish and applaud my stupidity.
Give those bosos at ITV new the opportunity to further speculate what might happen with there flash animation.

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