Thursday, December 01, 2005

why not Malcolm or Doris?

"I'm a monster!!!!!!!"

Ah Thursday- my favourite week day. The penultimate day of my working week, I can sit behind this desk shaped prison pondering upon last nights episode of ‘Lost’. Despite it being a great episode, and finally an insight into Hurley’s past a few things bothered me;

Firstly- there was a terrible conversation between Hurley and his mother when he was on route to surprise her with a new house. He said that she deserved something good to happen, then proceeded to list the terrible mishaps that befound (is that a word?) his nearest and dearest, clearly a lousy way of explaining to the audience just how many bizarre things that have occured without the producers being forced to film it. It annoyed me as it cheapened his ‘flashback’ sequence. These are usually the best bits for me as I like a good story, hence why The Godfather II is better than Godfather I, and why I love Quentin Tarrantino and Robert Rodrigez’s work. Also for second to none flashbacks check out ‘The Adventures of Baron Munchousen” which is a fine, fine film.

Secondly, and more infuriatingly we were forced to endure the world’s worst Australian accent when Hurley flies out to Australia in an attempt to find out the meaning of that spooky number sequence. It was closer to Dick Van Dyke’s Cockney accent in Mary Poppins than to an Australian accent.

I still think the show is bloomin’ great none the less. I do like to point out the many failures in the show’s continuity but I feel that I should stop being a pedant and let it go, however these two errors annoyed me/made me laugh in contempt.

Speaking of contempt, I actually saw a guy on the train reading a Daily Mail, tutting and shaking his head as he read. I found it hard to stop myself from mocking him, but the usual fear of being a crass buffoon and not wanting to hurt his feelings stopped me.

Anyhow, I figured that after yesterday’s fun listing *sigh* the “soundtrack of our lives” (Damn you Whiley) I should really do a more honest listing of things that are getting on my tits, and perhaps I should update this yearly. So without further ado, please find below my top 20 vexes of 2005. (It was origionally aonly a top ten but I got carried away)

James Blunt- ‘nuff said

People who have E4 or Sky and think they are way superior to the likes of me by saying they watched ‘Lost’ last Sunday. So what? You still have a week to wait between each episode, it’s just that you watch it on a Sunday- so what would you have to look forward to on a Wednesday night?

Mersey Rail. Please check most of my other entries for a detailed description of why they must be destroyed.

Harry Bleedin’ Potter. Okay, if you’ve got kids or are a kid, then great read and watch away (sorry Mum) but if you’re an adult, what are you buying the friggin’ book for? An why oh why do you have to read it on the train? I saw this in the summer when the newest book came out and proving my point a woman (sorry to say it usually is the ladies) sat opposite was moving her lips whilst she read, and used a train ticket to show what line she was one….AGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!! People are always responding that “at least people are reading now” – this is not true. It’s like a Drug addict drinking excessive quantities of neat vodka and people saying “at least he’s not taking drugs” . Nonsense. Get a life and read/watch a proper book/film.

Despite the latest edition of the Starwars films being really good (except the “nooooooooo!” part at the end) why are oober geeks continuing to rant and rave about how poor the newer-pre-equals were. Simple answer- you’re none 8 anymore- get over it…I did (eventually)

Crap Graphitti. For the love of God which can’t these little asbo brats getting some imagination? A rude drawing, or even just a drawing of anything would be better than the current crop of ‘hayley luvs Jason’ type markings that haunt my local bus stops. I don’t actually mind graphitti, I just wish it was a little more original.

The continuation of kids being given crap-made up names by their’ “I wanted to call my child something different” parents. The problem is that they’re not original. I don’t want to provide any examples in case I insult any of my friends and dare I say it family- but if you want to call them something different why not Malcolm or Doris? I don’t hear of any kinds being called that anymore.

Ah the old faithful- people who don’t say please or thank you when you hold a door open for them, let their car pass etc.

People who wear sunglasses when it’s not sunny and/or people who wear scarves with T shirts, especially those who wear them indoors, cretins.

High Heeled shoes that make that awful clacking noise on the pavement.

Sven Goran Eriksson’s selection policy.

Disney’s Winnie the Pooh. What is the attraction is this sickly sweet drawings being plastered on everything? Have any of these people ever read the books or are even aware of E.H. Shepard’s original drawings? Whilst on the subject, why has Winnie the Pooh got an American accent? In this city is bad enough that girls go to the shops in their PJs, but 8 times out of ten it will be a Winnie the Pooh pyjamas

That Disneyland Paris Advert …”It’s Magical…” When the Dad whispers to his wife that hilariously he couldn’t sleep either due to the excitement , and their annoying spawn says “we heard that”, would you not be worried that your children could possibly hear everything that goes on in that room. Sod the holiday mate, pay for some soundproofing in your bedroom.

Houses that put up their Xmo decorations in September!!!!!

“at the end of the day” ….aggggg! Thankfully this annoying phrase was so overused during the last BB series I have noticed its use on the wain, but at the end of the day it’s just tomorrow.

16. My eternally crap hair.

Idiots who start a sentence “I’m not being racist but…” –Yes you are, just because you say that doesn’t disclaim you from the remarks you are about to utter.

The word “MOREISH” – my alternative for this word; “Addictish” has failed to set the world alight

Middle Lane Drivers. Wake up call – if your not over taking anything move into the inside lane. People who continue to drive on the outside lane are just as bad. Hang your heads in shame.

The killing of Jim Fenner in Badgirls…why?! Best TV Bastard ever.

The TV reception in our flat is appalling. The stress of sitting down to watch something and having to manoeuvre our Judderal Bank style antenna is getting too much for me.


Jo said...

Just a small point. If motorway drivers hang their heads in shame whilst driving wouldn't that cause mass pile-ups?

Most probably appearing in my top 20 of things I deplore - rubbernecking.

Matt said...

Hmmmm, I agree whole heartedly on the rubbernecking front, although the accidents they slow down to look at were probably caused by someone in a Ford KA happily trundling along in the middle lane .

McParty said...

I hate all Silver Mercedes drivers and i think they should hang thier heads in shame, veer off the road and into a banking where the Chavs mug them.